what a waste of absolutely nothing

i get angry all the time...

well actually i am angry most of the time.. i just don't show it... thats why i look pissed off all the time even though i'm not angry all the time, im just angry most of the time and other times i just look pissed but im not angry... maybe i look pissed off when im in thought too, which happens to take up most of my other time... and then sometimes im angry and in thought at the same time... that happens pretty often too.

so it seems like i am pretty messed up inside and to make it all even worse i cover everything by pretending to be a joker which isn't something i can control cause i see humour even in my darkest moods... before i start doing narcissus proud by using a record number of "I"s in this entry i just want to address some things that has made me even more angry than i usually am... most of the time...

i am angry with myself for being such a spineless opinion-less idea-less freak... i started the year with lofty ambitions of having my own secondary school class, living the life of a secondary school teacher earning my 65 dollars a day for 5 hours of work and leaching off the governments money while i smoke my way through the system... well apparently somebody tipped the government off cause not one of the 8 schools in my constituency called me... maybe they aren't even in my constituency.. heck i dont even know what my constituency is called...

i'll cut to the chase. i am having trouble finding work and i dont even know what i am looking for anymore... the zoo doesn't want me, sentosa's screwed up, and im back in the money sucking agents arms, ready to accept the next 6.50/7 dollar per hour job that they throw on the floor while i lick it up like a wounded dog who has lost all his pride and dreams...

i am typing this after deleting many many paragraphs of personal stuff that i am angry with... it doesn't seem to suit this blog... private matters should be kept in a deep place inside where it doesn't get out...

i don't know why i have to worry about things that somebody my age shouldn't be worrying about... but i worry about them and i am angry about it... i sucks even more because i am angry and i don't know why... i tell myself to suck it up like a man only to spew it all out in laughter and i am angry with myself for finding humour in dark places like these... then i suck it all up again and hope i don't lose control... well i won't... cause only God know...

have a happy 2007