think you moron (i mean myself)
hello blog.
another day spent fulfilling my little fantasy of devoting time to absolutely nothing and enjoying my extended period of freedom has left me with much to think about.
as much as i hate myself for entertaining such whimsical and random cognitions, i am actually realising that it might be better for me to start work early and not waste my time doing practically nothing anymore although this might be the last time that i could afford the luxury of absolute care-less freedom in my youth.
i have slowly started to realise that finding rest lies not in doing absolutely nothing but in doing something that rejuvenates you. it could be anything that we find pleasure in. for example, i would love to travel around the world for 8 months but unfortunately it is impossible. i can only settle for something lower but still good... finding pleasure in earning money.
or so i thought... until this tuition agency i emailed called me up for an interview in their snazzy little tuition place in the central business district... that place had all the makings of a perfect holiday job... incredible pay, great working hours, nice location in the middle of the cbd... until i turned up that day for my interview. i stepped into the office, expecting the same buzz of excitement i once felt when i turned up for my 2 weeks of internship at citibank in sec 3. i didnt. instead, that place felt cold and from the tone of the interviewers, i could sense that the place could get a little oppresive too. maybe it was just me in a new environment, or maybe it was just because the interview took place on a weekend but i couldn't sense the same spirit of excitement that i felt when i went for my sec 3 internship. it just felt too cold and mercenary. if you are reading this you might agree with me if you felt the same or you might think i am just being eccentric but i swear these things affect me and it did when it was my turn to show up in the office for the interview. i answered my questions coldly, mimicking the tone of the interviewers, and the place. i left the place knowing they were interested in me but wishing that they would never call me again.
it felt wierd at first. being the calculative and miserly person that i am, walking away from any good deal that could get me lots of money. i would be wierd if i did that for my real-life career. but this isn't. i wasn't finding work for a career.
i was finding work to find rest.
if i allow myself to work in a place where i know i would start to dislike but still force myself to stay on because of reasons that would become insignificant in the future, i would end up wasting this precious period of time. thus, i have decided to apply for a normal job just like everyone else, as a temp with no strings attached, doing work that might be mundane but in a place where i pray would have a more pleasant atmosphere than what i saw, and quitting when i feel like doing so, with no moral obligations to students or parents.
i might earn less but i know i will sleep better.
another day spent fulfilling my little fantasy of devoting time to absolutely nothing and enjoying my extended period of freedom has left me with much to think about.
as much as i hate myself for entertaining such whimsical and random cognitions, i am actually realising that it might be better for me to start work early and not waste my time doing practically nothing anymore although this might be the last time that i could afford the luxury of absolute care-less freedom in my youth.
i have slowly started to realise that finding rest lies not in doing absolutely nothing but in doing something that rejuvenates you. it could be anything that we find pleasure in. for example, i would love to travel around the world for 8 months but unfortunately it is impossible. i can only settle for something lower but still good... finding pleasure in earning money.
or so i thought... until this tuition agency i emailed called me up for an interview in their snazzy little tuition place in the central business district... that place had all the makings of a perfect holiday job... incredible pay, great working hours, nice location in the middle of the cbd... until i turned up that day for my interview. i stepped into the office, expecting the same buzz of excitement i once felt when i turned up for my 2 weeks of internship at citibank in sec 3. i didnt. instead, that place felt cold and from the tone of the interviewers, i could sense that the place could get a little oppresive too. maybe it was just me in a new environment, or maybe it was just because the interview took place on a weekend but i couldn't sense the same spirit of excitement that i felt when i went for my sec 3 internship. it just felt too cold and mercenary. if you are reading this you might agree with me if you felt the same or you might think i am just being eccentric but i swear these things affect me and it did when it was my turn to show up in the office for the interview. i answered my questions coldly, mimicking the tone of the interviewers, and the place. i left the place knowing they were interested in me but wishing that they would never call me again.
it felt wierd at first. being the calculative and miserly person that i am, walking away from any good deal that could get me lots of money. i would be wierd if i did that for my real-life career. but this isn't. i wasn't finding work for a career.
i was finding work to find rest.
if i allow myself to work in a place where i know i would start to dislike but still force myself to stay on because of reasons that would become insignificant in the future, i would end up wasting this precious period of time. thus, i have decided to apply for a normal job just like everyone else, as a temp with no strings attached, doing work that might be mundane but in a place where i pray would have a more pleasant atmosphere than what i saw, and quitting when i feel like doing so, with no moral obligations to students or parents.
i might earn less but i know i will sleep better.
posted by tcy at
5:37 AM
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