hello blog
i know i shouldn't be putting this up for everyone (if any) to read but i've been thinking about this for a very long time and i think i'll just air some of my dirty laundry for once cause there isn't enough space inside to hold it anymore...
for the past few years, the church has been making me extremely disappointed and angry. on top of making me feel like an instrument, a means of attaining goals in the form of statistics in their quest for "noble" objectives and goals while using the name of God to justify their means, i have been dumbfounded sometimes by over-the-top surroundings during worship and discouraged by self-righteous pastors and cell members that talk down on people other who might have made concerted efforts to be humble and teachable and open to alternative points of view. such hypocrisy has aroused unspeakable amounts of disdain and despite efforts to forgive, constant reminder of these undesirable attributes has made forgiveness a testing, if not impossible, endeavor. i speak not just about my personal experiences, but also about what has happened to other people around me, through my observations.
don't worry, I have not lost my faith.
I am just extremely shaken by what is happening around me and i wished that it is just school pressure that is getting to me. However, I believe that 5 years worth of observations should be sufficient time to cover for any lapses of emotional irrationality induced by events such as school examinations and stress. hence, i believe that my observations have been fair and unbiased.
believe me, there has been a lot more thought put into this than what i have written in this entry.
my conclusion: i am seriously considering leaving the church within the next month, if things around me, or my own perspective does not change. I will attempt to clarify my thoughts with certain people, who have been, at best, patronizing in their answers to my questions so far. I will, however, take their comments in good faith and try to shine light on any "wisdom" that can be extracted from the conversations that i plan to have.
in any case, if the situation really leaves me with no choice, i hope that you would welcome me to your church (if you attend one).
God help me
i know i shouldn't be putting this up for everyone (if any) to read but i've been thinking about this for a very long time and i think i'll just air some of my dirty laundry for once cause there isn't enough space inside to hold it anymore...
for the past few years, the church has been making me extremely disappointed and angry. on top of making me feel like an instrument, a means of attaining goals in the form of statistics in their quest for "noble" objectives and goals while using the name of God to justify their means, i have been dumbfounded sometimes by over-the-top surroundings during worship and discouraged by self-righteous pastors and cell members that talk down on people other who might have made concerted efforts to be humble and teachable and open to alternative points of view. such hypocrisy has aroused unspeakable amounts of disdain and despite efforts to forgive, constant reminder of these undesirable attributes has made forgiveness a testing, if not impossible, endeavor. i speak not just about my personal experiences, but also about what has happened to other people around me, through my observations.
don't worry, I have not lost my faith.
I am just extremely shaken by what is happening around me and i wished that it is just school pressure that is getting to me. However, I believe that 5 years worth of observations should be sufficient time to cover for any lapses of emotional irrationality induced by events such as school examinations and stress. hence, i believe that my observations have been fair and unbiased.
believe me, there has been a lot more thought put into this than what i have written in this entry.
my conclusion: i am seriously considering leaving the church within the next month, if things around me, or my own perspective does not change. I will attempt to clarify my thoughts with certain people, who have been, at best, patronizing in their answers to my questions so far. I will, however, take their comments in good faith and try to shine light on any "wisdom" that can be extracted from the conversations that i plan to have.
in any case, if the situation really leaves me with no choice, i hope that you would welcome me to your church (if you attend one).
God help me
posted by tcy at
8:41 AM
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