i have an idea...

why don't you come and take over my life in uni. do my assignments, write my papers and attend my group project meetings all in my name. you will work as hard as i am, or even harder and hopefully get the grades that you/i deserve. eventually, you would graduate in my name, get my dream job and start working and saving up money while i on the other hand, will spend all my time eating and drinking and doing all the things i haven't tried, spending all the money that you have earned in my name. eventually i will probably die early from all that eating and playing, probably from hypertension while doing bungee jumping for the 100th time in 5 hours while trying to break a world record. then i'll go up to heaven and put to God a good word for you, pleading with Him on your behalf to bless you with whatever you've always wanted. it's a win-win situation and both of us will get what we need... think about it.

and this...

note to self:

eating one can of pringles within half an hour is bad for my stomach